5 reasons I won't do the bachelor c/o LLinaBC.com

5 reasons I won’t do the bachelor.

believe it or not, I have never watched the bachelor. I may have seen 5 minutes of an episode the very first season. but c’mon, does that count? no. unfortunately, I feel it is my duty, as a born + raised iowan, to watch chris soules. he’s from a tiny iowa town, one hour away from the one I grew up in. [*it’s important to note, my iowa town is way bigger. we’re talking almost 70,000 people bigger]. and by watching one full episode, I was inspired to write ..

5 reasons I won't do the bachelor c/o LLinaBC.com

5 reasons I won’t do the bachelor.

[besides the fact that I’m married].

and by “do,” I mean the show. not the man, for those of you with your mind’s in the gutter.

1. oh, the limo introductions. 99.8% of them make me cringe. like crawl under the covers + hide. so awkward. and I would totally be within that category of awkward intro’s.

2. I’d be the token drunk girl on the first night. 30 girls in 1 hour, fighting for 1 man’s attention. given mere hours [or an hour, does anyone really know?] to make a strong impression + earn a rose. it could just be me, but uncomfortable situations tend to increase my alcohol intake. this situation would top that list.

3. the same reason I was never in a sorority, I could not live with that many girls in one house. I don’t know that for sure, because I never tried. but I could imagine it’d be a struggle .. #CloggedDrains.

4. who likes sloppy seconds thirds fourths fifths sixths? and so on.

5. moving to a farm in iowa. hell no! as previously, mentioned I am an iowan. I had a short stint spent living away, but I came back because I truly love it here. I support + appreciate iowa’s farmers; they truly do feed the world. but if my husband, who I love more than any of those girls will love the bachelor anything in the world, told me we were moving to a 6,000 acre farm with the nearest town having a total population of 400 ..I would say “no thanks!!”. prince farming may be easy on the eyes, but the miles of nothing but corn + soybean fields aren’t, for long. best of luck to the ladies of hollywood, chicago + D.C. ..you’re in for a rude awakening.

who is watching the bachelor tonight?

if you do, let’s talk about it @LLinaBC.

9 thoughts on “5 reasons I won’t do the bachelor.”

  1. This is the first season of The Bachelor I’ve ever watched (although I did watch the last season of The Bachelorette) and I’m already hooked. I think I’ll be watching tonight, depending on how the football game is looking. Oh, conflicts.

  2. I wouldn’t say I’m ‘invested’ in this season, not by a long shot! But because of his (and my) farming background, I’m incredibly curious about the women that have been selected. I don’t believe for one second that they should have found the stereotypical ‘farm girl’ as the ringer for the season because I don’t believe in such a thing! I was raised on a farm, work in the ag industry and am married to a man that is too, but that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy getting glammed up and sporting my designer wares, I love traveling and seeing new things, it’s just that my heart and soul are meant for the rural lifestyle. And it’s 100% okay that isn’t everyone’s cup of tea! Like you said, without farmers we wouldn’t eat and I’d be willing to bet that many of those folks wouldn’t want to make their life in a highrise in a large metropolitan community… but they’re sure glad that someone does!!

    1. I agree with you, myla! my concern is the girls being from very, very large cities moving to one so small. it’s a huge adjustment. I’m not from a large city, but my first semester of college I moved to a small NW iowa town to attend a small private college. everyone knew everyone and everything about everyone. which a lot of people love, but I felt like all my business [including the not so great stuff] was painted on a billboard. so after 1 semester, I moved to a large university where I could fly under the radar. like you said, rural life isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. but I knew you like to travel, so when are we going to plan our “meet in the middle” trip? :) I was raised around john deere tractors. does that count? I really appreciate this comment. I think it’ll be an interesting season of the bachelor!

      1. Absolutely! They’re in for a MAJOR culture shock! Your college atmosphere sounds like the town I grew up in and couldn’t wait to escape after high school. :) I still can’t imagine going back, but I love the small community that we live in now! It’s funny how things work out?!?! A “meet in the middle” sounds SUPER fun! I’ll think on that and get back to you… Although coming to Iowa sounds so fun after reading all your posts about the local “flavor”! And I’m pretty sure John Deere tractors are the only ones out there…

  3. I am a BIG fan of hate-watching the Bachelor. And the limo intros? Awful. Just, awful.
    I do a pool with my girlfriends (we all bet on who we think will win) and I think I’m going to bring it to the blog for The Bachelorette because internet betting and hate-watching sounds awesome.

  4. I’ve gotta say, I love/hate The Bachelor. I, too, would never go on it, though, for most of the same reasons you note here – not to mention that I’m not a size 2, so NBC wouldn’t look twice at me! I’m constantly frustrated by the show’s societal stereotypes, total lack of bodily or racial diversity, & just overall idiocy, but… yeah, I can’t stop watching!

  5. This sums up why Hannah and I love watching the Bachelor and have for the last 12 seasons! Yes, The Bachelor franchise is cheesy, unrealistic and arguably degrading to both men and women. BUT it’s also highly entertaining and a perfect, fluffy-beach-read-visual treat.

    Since its debut in 2002, I’ve watched almost every season (eeesh).

    I know what “pulling a Mesnick” means.

    I remember Erica’s tiara.

    I can tell you all about “Prince” Lorenzo and the Navy pilot (“Love lift us up where we belong!”).

    Years ago, I even joined co-workers in a packed conference room to watch Trista and Ryan’s wedding. (Um yeah.)

    And yet, each year I wonder why I still watch this train wreck.

    My thought process goes something like this: I’m too busy/old/can’t possibly watch… well maybe I’ll give it just a few minutes… awww, he seems nice… wait, Jennifer Weiner is live tweeting? Crap. Roped in again.

    And so, dear readers, here is why I still watch The Bachelor/Bachelorette…

    It’s Predictable.
    •The franchise follows the same formula almost every time: 25 young, perfectly-coiffed, pageant-dressed (or suit-wearing) beach-ready “contestants” arrive via limo to look for love.

    •Chris Harrison (who never ages) is our dapper host. A tantalizing mix of guy-next-door and drinking buddy, Chris is our Xanex. He confirms to us that yes, these eligible contestants have dropped everything “to move into the mansion,” and yes, they are “here for the right reasons.” (Cue the Des rap.)

    •We anticipate bold introductions on the first night. (Think: riding up on a horse/dressing up as a knight/wearing a wedding dress.)

    •We know that the cast will typically include a single mom, the party girl, the crazy one, a hairdresser and at least two girls named Ashley.

    •We know that the weekly cocktail parties are essentially interviews. As such, we expect that 1) someone will jump into the pool to get attention,
    2) b*tches will “steal away” the Bachelor, and
    3) each person will comment on the need to “step up my game.”

    •We know that the deadly First Impression rose “puts a target on your back.”

    •And we know that five little words* create an artificial sense of both power and fear.

    It’s Chock Full of Drama
    •Fueled by hormones and vodka, the contestants experience insta-euphoria. Everything mediocre suddenly becomes “AMAZING.” Episodes later, contestants will declare that “___ is the perfect city to fall in love!”

    •At least one date will include a panoramic helicopter ride and one will include bungee-jumping/rock/wall-climbing (“if we can survive this… we can survive anything!”)

    •Around week #3 someone will suddenly freak out that “WE. ARE. ALL. DATING. THE. SAME. GUY!”

    •Expertly edited, the show’s drama will continue to unfold via group dates, 2-on-1 dates, and cat fights/dude fights. Emily Maynard will rightfully exclaim, “I’m gonna go all backwoods hood rat West Virginia on your a$$!”

    •And in an effort to starve the rat that feeds “Reality Steve,” producers will attempt to lead us astray: (“Will he ever find love? Will she go home broken-hearted?”) We learn that we must “stay tuned for the MOST dramatic season ever…” as they cut to paramedics assisting someone who has: 1) drunkenly tripped down the stairs, 2) broken a finger during beer pong, or 3) torn a cuticle.

    •Then it’s time to eavesdrop on the juicy hometown dates. Oh, hometowns. [Because every parent’s dream is to meet his/her future son-or-daughter-in-law-on-national-television-when-that-person-is-also-umm-“dating”- three other people. Riiiiiight.]

    •Finally, we look forward to the rejection limo confessionals. Devastated cast-offs sob to the camera, fondly recalling their four-day courtships. Somehow they find solace knowing that they too will “make someone happy… someday.” (Sniff.) Maybe they’ll become recycled Bach/ettes? In Brad Womack’s case, he earned not one but TWO chances to find love! (What’s that you’re saying? It didn’t work out? Maybe third time’s a charm?)

    And so, after hundreds of episodes, we continue to root for the underdog, cringe at the hot tub/Fantasy Suites, and swoon during the tender moments. Call it a Masters in Anthropology. (Sure.)

    One question…

    *Will you accept this rose?

  6. I Don’t like the bachelor. I think it’s cool that he is from iowa but I highly doubt that it will last. No offense to iowa but I doubt living on a farm is going to be these girls dream come true. I lived in a sorority house and couldn’t do it again.

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